Wednesday, 15 August 2012
One life, one chance.
I have a family history of mild depression and when I was thirteen I began to feel ways that you shouldn't feel when you're so young. I doubted everyone around me and often found myself fantasizing about ways to die.
You'd probably think, "well, feeling sorry for yourself is how it goes when you're a kid 'cause you don't make any decisions for yourself". But my parents have always been fair and lenient and I knew it was nothing to do with that, I could never figure out what it was but I always felt empty and useless.
It more than likely stemmed from the fact that I've always been bullied for as long as I can remember. I've never exactly been the social type as I suffer from Social Anxiety and I'm sure people always saw me as an easy target. I never had any friends in Play School when I was 2 years old. I used to cry everyday - getting rejected by two year olds! For what reason, I don't know, I've just always been very, very shy.
Secondary School was without a doubt the worst, between Year 8 and Year 10 especially, I was extremely unhappy, having people turn their nose up at me, avoid me like I was carrying a disease, and having people who I'd never met know my name and decide they didn't like me though we'd never interacted.
By the middle of Year 8, I was so far gone with feeling things that I couldn't identify that I began self harming. At first, I was cutting my wrists and after a while, I started cutting my legs. My sister was eight years old at the time and noticed the cuts - of course, at the time, I never told her how they got there, but to this day I feel terrible that she had to see her sister constantly scratched up.
By the time I was sixteen, I decided to get help. I remember spending the morning of my sixteenth birthday taking anti depressants. With this plus the help of a therapist at my school, I managed to find some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm no longer in therapy or taking anti depressants. I'm in College with the intention of going to University, I know exactly what I want out of life, and nobody is going to stop me getting there. Any more.
No matter what your problems, never let them keep you down, especially if your problem is another person, because you can't change the world, but you can change the people in your life.
Who says life can't flip 180?
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